Recently, I was reading this review of Toni Braxton’s new memoir, and the reviewer appeared shocked that Ms. Braxton attributed her son’s autism to God’s payback for a prior abortion.

I don’t want to get into a discussion about God, and whether He would cause a child to suffer over a parent’s alleged mistake, but as the parent of a child with many special needs, I blame myself all the time.

I’m intelligent, and educated, and I have done much research and reading on the subject of mental illness. I have spoken to experts. I “know” that the fight I had with her father didn’t cause my daughter’s disability. I “know” that the single cup of tea I had when I was pregnant, didn’t cause it. I “know” that although I wasn’t as good at giving time-outs for bad behavior, an occasional lack of discipline didn’t cause it.

And yet….I can’t help but wonder if there wasn’t something that I did, or that I didn’t do, that made my child suffer. I “know” it is ridiculous, but it is also human nature for parents to blame themselves, despite being blameless.

So, I may not agree with Toni Braxton, but I understand where she is coming from.

One Response to “Feeling Guilty Over Causing My Child's Disability”

  1. debbie salatti

    first, i applaud you for baring an intimte part of yourself; perhaps, this will help in your journey towards healing.
    second, God is a good God…not punitive or vindictive. we live in a fallen world where bad things happen to good people.
    third, i am not in your shoes so i do not pretend to understand but i know you would not have willingly put this child in harms way. i am sure she is a delight to you and a light in your world.i am sure she knows she is wanted, needed, loved and accepted by you. alot of life sucks, we all fall short and there are consequences to our actions; but, we are overcomers and we go on believing in the good the world has to offer and knowing that our very good God has a plan and purpose for each of us. He uses our shortcomings and we each have many; hers are just different from some of us


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